Dec 11, 2015
15 Reasons Why ISIS Is a Bunch of Total Losers
This is a piece I've been reluctant to write. Not for the reason you might think --- that I'm afraid I'm going to piss off some nutcase loser. No, I've been reluctant to write this piece and kept postponing sitting down to write it because it meant I had to waste my time contemplating the exact nature of their loserhood. I really didn't want to waste my time on such a bunch of losers. And I mean L-O-S-E-R-S. You know there are other things I'd like doing better like, oh say, picking fleas off the cats.
But I finally forced myself and here it is.....................
1. THEY'RE A DOOMSDAY CULT
Can you get any lamer than that? These people think that the end of the world is happening right now. Oh, go climb up a Mayan pyramid and throw yourself off. Let me clue these losers in.......................Someone, somewhere is always predicting the end of the world.
Ain't happening. The world is going to go on for a billion years by which the expansion of the sun is going to make complex life impossible on Earth, but even then the world still isn't ending. Because planet Earth will still be here. It will keep being here until/unless the sun expands so much it engulfs the Earth at which point bye-bye world. And, if that happens, that's so far in the future the human race will have been extinct for so long I don't know why anyone gives a flip about it.
2. REALLY STUPID MASTER PLAN
They actually think they can bring about the end of the world. How? By starting a war between Muslims and Christians. Seriously, who was their consultant on that? Charles Manson? We all know how well his plan to start an all-out war worked out for him.
And just how is this grand, doomsday war going to come about? Well, based on most of what they've been doing, they think they can get Christians and Muslims into this war by ISIS killing and oppressing other Muslims. Their latest brilliant addition to their plan is to tax other Muslims into poverty. Because, as we all know, everyone loves the taxman.
Besides which, dumbasses, you could kill every human being in the world and, as noted, the world will still go on. In fact, it would be just fine. The human race doesn't have the power to end life on Earth.........just alter it. And, loser fantasies aside, we certainly don't have the power to end the Earth itself. This isn't "Star Wars" and we don't have a Death Star.
3. THEY'RE DELUSIONAL ENOUGH TO THINK THEY CAN DESTROY THE UNITED STATES
Never going to happen. This country is massive.You've got over 300 million people in this country. Yeah, there are a few nutcases here. There are always going to be a few nutcases here. They're never going to win. Only someone delusional would think that's going to happen.
So a nutcase manages to kill some people here and there. You know how many people we kill in this country every single day through medical errors? More than a thousand. Yup, over two 9/11s worth of dead people every single week in this country. We don't freak out about that. Now what we need to learn how to do is to stop freaking out about terrorism because only someone else who's delusional could think that some nutcase losers are going to manage to destroy this country. The United States of America is far stronger than that.
4. THEY DESTROY ANTIQUITIES
Vandalism is for losers --- teenage boys whose brains haven't finished developing and adults who'd better hope they have the excuse of pickling their brains in alcohol.
Any adult not drunk out of his mind who goes around destroying priceless works of arts is nothing but a loser.
5. THE PLURAL OF LOSER IS LOSERS
ISIS deliberately recruits losers. A loser sitting around in his loser life, feeling powerless and resentful, so he watches videos of some helpless person being gruesomely murdered and thinks that's cool. It's not cool; it's not fun. This is not some damn video game. It's disgusting and despicable. But what this loser sits there and imagines is who he'd like to cut the head off or burn alive or throw off a roof. (Though if death is such a turn-on for these people, let me recommend autoerotic asphyxiation and there's no need to be careful about it.)
So this loser gets in contact with another loser. And suddenly he doesn't feel like so much of an outsider. Then they get with other losers because when there are a lot of you suddenly you're not on the outside anymore, you're on the inside. But inside of what?
A bunch of losers.
Having more of them doesn't make them any less of losers.
6. IT'S A TOTAL CIRCLE JERK
The only way ISIS works is by being a total circle jerk --- a mostly homoerotic circle jerk. Because what happens is you have a bunch of people losers saying the same things to each other. It's the nastiest kind of feedback loop. All telling each other, "Oh yeah, that's so right," and "We're so great."
It recruits as an online circle jerk. People going to websites where they only see what they want to see in the internet equivalent of stuffing fingers in their ears, shutting their eyes and tap dancing around, shouting, "La-la-la, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, La-la-la." Any facts to the contrary that manage to get past all of that are conveniently immediately forgotten.
Opposing viewpoints are not allowed. If anyone did speak up to say anything different, they'd be killed.
You know what, if you're viewpoint is so effin' correct, then it will withstand facts and it will withstand other viewpoints. You know what's a big sign that your viewpoint isn't so correct? When you have to kill people who don't share it.
7. THEY'RE BULLIES
When I look at Vladimir Putin, I don't see some powerful leader. I see someone with a very, very small .................................soul. (And, yeah, I figure his penis is undersized too.)
One of my favorite quotes from the TV show Burn Notice is, "Spend time with corrupt homicidal Third World political figures, and you hear a lot of self-pity. What kind of man throws his political enemies in prison and tortures them to death? Usually it's a guy who feels so sorry for himself, he feels justified doing anything. Killers, by and large, are whining losers. But that doesn't make them any less dangerous." (season 2, episode 14 - "Truth and Reconciliation")
Bullies are the same the world over. They're a person with something broken on the inside who takes it out on the people outside instead of trying to fix what's broken. So when a bunch of total losers get any kind of power, what they're going to do with it is start bullying whoever they can.
Some of them are new at the bullying. Some of them like the ones from Saddam Hussein's military have been doing the bullying for decades. But they're all bullies. It's just some of them get to bully more people than others.
8. THE RECRUITS ARE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT'S A HIERARCHY
ISIS is not some new thing. ISIS is just the same old thing. Like any large organization, it's a hierarchy, yet most of the recruits are too stupid to figure that out. They're too busy thinking of themselves as badasses. Now when some of them get over there, they're going to find out really quick that ISIS is not an organization dedicated to equality among its members. Just like the world they left behind, the ones at the top give the orders and get the privileges while the people on the bottom suck the dicks they're told to suck.
And if it ever turned into a long-term government, it's going to be the same-old, same-old. With those at the top living in luxury while the people below them eat the scraps they're thrown. But the people they recruit are too stupid to realize they're just being used to try to build a powerbase for the ones on top of them.
9. THE WOMEN MUST REALLY HATE THEMSELVES
The women of ISIS are a special category of losers. How badly do you hate yourself that you join a group that sees you as cannon fodder or a fuck toy? Or both. First they'll use you as a fuck toy, then they'll send you out to be cannon fodder. ISIS is a group of misogynistic men who think they own women (because they're such losers they can't get a woman through their personal charms because they don't have any). How low is your self-esteem? What are you punishing yourself for? Because only really screwed up women would join a group where they know they rate on the same level as dog shit.
10. THEY HAVE SLAVES
This one just boggles my mind. This is the 21st century. What kind of human being thinks that the thing to do with people is to buy and sell them? What kind of morality is that?
Oh, I know people do it. I just read an article where some pervert raped and sodomized a year old baby. People do all kinds of horrible things. How in the hell is that anything to aspire to?
And I've read there are people unhappy in ISIS because they can't buy slaves. The slaves are going to the people higher up the food chain than them. Oh, let me play you the world's smallest violin. Also, let me say, "I told you so."
11. THEY'RE RAPISTS
The sad thing is there's absolutely nothing surprising about this. This is what misogynistic losers turned bullies do when they get their hands on females............they rape them.
Real men don't rape. But these losers aren't real men. They could never deal with a woman as an equal human being. That's because they lack the self-confidence that comes from being a real man. These losers think bluster and bullying are the same thing as self-confidence when it's the exact opposite. So they have to rape girls and women and tell themselves they're entitled to it.
12. THEY TARGET INNOCENT CIVILIANS
Non-involved civilians getting killed as "collateral damage" is deplorable enough.* Deliberately targeting those civilians is beyond despicable. It's beyond despicable whether it's people in another country eating at a restaurant or attending a meeting/Christmas party or it's throwing people off a rooftop in an area you control. Then on top of that, they kidnap civilians and butcher them on camera to make videos for other losers.
Only a total loser would think there's any kind of honor or glory in sneak attacking a bunch of unarmed, innocent civilians. And only a really gullible loser would think he's going to get rewarded with 72 virgins for doing it.
13. THEY STINK UP ISLAM
The shit you do in the name of your religion lives on. And it can leave a real black mark on that religion.
Hell, the Catholic Church's reputation still hasn't recovered from imprisoning and threatening Galileo and that was hundreds of years ago.
What ISIS is doing now with its rapes, torture, slaves, oppression and wholesale murders will be brought up as an example of Islam gone wrong for centuries to come. Way to take a dump on your religion.
14. THEY'RE HATERS
They don't even love Allah no matter what they pray. The only thing they love about Allah is he comes with a religion that has passages they can cherry-pick to justify and target their hate. If Islam couldn't be used for that hate, they'd turn their backs on Allah in a heartbeat and find some other religion/philosophy that could be used for that hate. (Christianity comes to mind as it's been the justification for a lot of hate.) As I've long said, religion is just a giant Rorschach test. What parts of a religion you choose to follow and what parts you choose to ignore tell who you are, and, in this case, it tells that these people are haters.
So they hate and hate and hate. Because they can't recognize that who they hate most is themselves, they turn that hate outwards. They hate women, they hate tolerance, they hate people living a different way of life than them, they hate people living the same way of life as them, they hate their history, they hate the future, they're just filled with hatred. And this is what they use that hate for...........
15. THEY DESTROY
They're into destruction. They believe the end of the world is now. (Excuse me for a moment as I fall laughing to the floor again.) So they don't really believe in building anything --- even that caliphate of theirs is only supposed to be a means to the end of the world. (Though if you think that the people in charge of ISIS actually believe that, I've got this bridge I'd love to sell you.)
I'm not going to be winning any prizes in philosophy for this, but what I figured out a long time ago is this............None of us had any choice in being born. But now that we are here, we do have a choice: To make the world a better place for us having been in it. Or a worse place.
It's easy to make the world a worse place. All you have to do is do nothing and you're making the world a worse place from the sheer amount of resources you suck up just by existing. But making the world even a little bit better for you having been in it.............that's work. That's the hard path.
Yet instead of taking the hard path and putting in the real work it takes to make the world a better place, they take the easy path and just go in for destruction. And that makes them a bunch of TOTAL LOSERS.
There's very little danger from the total losers of ISIS here in the United States. You take more risk driving in a car (32,719 deaths in 2014). You take a hell of a lot more of risk of dying by getting medical treatment. (Medical errors are the third leading cause of death in the U.S. killing over 400,000 people annually.) Now, in other parts of the world ISIS is definitely a significant danger. But if I had my way, we'd grow all our own crude oil from algae and leave those parts of the world on their own (see "Pond Scum, Civilization's Savior? The Potential of Algae Biofuel to Alter the World's Economy, Environment and Politics").
No, the real danger isn't from the losers of ISIS. The real danger is what we'll do to ourselves. Total losers like ISIS could never destroy the freedom in this country. That's something only we can do with our hysterical overreactions to what is, realistically, a pretty minor threat. Read "Dying from Terrorism Not Really a Danger, Losing Freedoms Is a Real Danger."
* If we knew that Afghan hospital was a hospital and bombed it anyway, everyone who knew "hospital" and "bomb" needs to be locked up for the rest of the lives, preferably in Guantanamo along with other terrorists. And if you want to get an earful, ask me sometime about our policy of "double-tapping" which kills first responders.
For pieces related to this one, read:
"Dying from Terrorism Not Really a Danger, Losing Freedoms Is a Real Danger"
"Pond Scum, Civilization's Savior? The Potential of Algae Biofuel to Alter the World's Economy, Environment and Politics"
"Guns and Smoking" (a comparison of relative dangers)
And on a whimsically related note, there's:
"The Next Doomsday - This Friday, The Mayan Apocalypse Prophecy,"
"Star Wars, Einstein and When Lucas Got It Right"
"Difficulty Levels of Death Star Versus Various Astronomical Bodies."
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